Final Fantasy: Too Much Free Time
by DoomaWriter
Summary: My first stuff. This is what Final Fantasy characters do when they're not saving the world or killing psychos.
1. Shouldn't These People Be Saving the Wor...

Final Fantasy Lounge: Episode 1 by DoomaWriter  
  
Author notes: Here's my first fanfic and its mainly based on Final Fantasy games (32 bit and up) and a bit from Kingdom Hearts. Hope you all enjoy!  
  
The scene begins inside a cushy Inn where heroes from everywhere far and near loved to come and sit and converse.  
  
At a table many were taking turns playing the card game Terra Master.  
  
Zidane: Ha! I win again!  
  
Zell: What the hell!? How did I loose!? I had higher numbers than you, doesn't that mean my cards were better!!!  
  
Zidane: Sometimes. Hey, don't get mad at me I didn't make up the rules.  
  
Zell: I don't even know the rules! Nobody would tell me!!  
  
Zidane: Sounds like someone should stick to Pokemon cards.  
  
Zell angrilly gets up from the grinning Zidane and walked off angrily, mumbling to himself.  
  
A few moments later, Cloud walked through the Inn smiling. He took a good look around searching for someone.  
  
Squall. Damn, here he comes. Be quiet and maybe he won't see us.  
  
Selphie: I don't know why you don't like him. You're just a big meany who hates everyone!  
  
Squall: ......I'm missing the point.  
  
Selphie gets up and begins jumping up and down waving both hands.  
  
Selphie: HEY CLOUD! OOOOVEEEER HERE!-Ow!! Who kicked me!?  
  
Cloud sees them and begins to walk over.  
  
Cloud: Hey, nearly didn't see you there for a moment.  
  
Rinoa: Don't worry, it wouldn't be a party without you, right Squall?  
  
Squall: I suppose all parties need that one jackass nobody invited.  
  
Cloud (chuckled to himself): C'mon man, you know you missed me, I mean, if I wasn't me, I know I would!  
  
Squall (turns away from Cloud): Whatever.  
  
Rinoa leans over to Squall and begins to whisper to him.  
  
Rinoa: I thought I told you to try to be nice! Now do you want to be here or not!?  
  
Squall: I already told you, no. I hate everyone here.  
  
Rinoa: What about-  
  
Squall (cuts her off): Yes!  
  
Cloud: If you ask me, someone's angry that they aren't the most famous person...in history.  
  
Squall: Whatever.  
  
Cloud: I mean, we all know whose the best heroe of all time. Whose saved the world might I add.  
  
Selphie: Oh c'mon!  
  
She turns to the entire Inn and yells out.  
  
Selphie: If you've helped save the world, raise your hand!  
  
Everyone inside raise their hands.  
  
Cloud: Alright, alright. But I did have to go up against Sephiroth, the badest badd ass to beat all bad asses! Who was you're rival huh? Some teenage jerk who feels the need to be thought of as important.  
  
From a table on the other side of the room, Seifer (whose sitting with Raijin and Fujin) stands up and yells at Cloud.  
  
Seifer: You bastard! Why don't you come over here and say that to my face!!! I'll kick your litle identity-crises-having ass!  
  
Cloud: I have a better idea, why don't you come here and try to shut me up?  
  
Beeds of sweat come down upon Seifer's face. He looks around to see the whole Inn now staring upon him.  
  
Seifer: N-no. W-why don't you come over h-here?  
  
Everyone sigh in pity and turn back to their own conversations. Seifer sits back down and tries to be unnoticeable.  
  
Raijin: That was just pitiufl ya know!  
  
Fujin: SHAME!  
  
Seifer: ....Just leave me alone.  
  
Back at Cloud's table, Zidane and Garnet sits down to join in on the conversation.  
  
Zidane: So who missed me?  
  
Squall: Oh great, two self centered asses to listen to.  
  
Cloud: Hey, you're just mad because I'm the best star that ever lived.  
  
Squall and Zidane: What!?  
  
Squall: That's a damn lie and you know it. I mean I'd never be seen wearing a dress as a female prostitute just to meet some guy.  
  
Everyone at the table begin snickering to themselves.  
  
Cloud: Hey, hey hey! I only did that once!.....in public.  
  
Zidane: Well let's get serious, we all know that I'm the best heroe there ever was.  
  
Everyone at the table burst out in laughter. Milk pours out of Selphie's nose. Rinoa falls back and out of her chair. Squall remains quiet and folded his arms in disgust at everyone and tried his best to remain as isolated as possible. Zidane turns to see Garnet trying to hold her hand over her mouth to disguise her laughter.  
  
Zidane: God I hate you all.  
  
A waiter walks up to the table and turns to Rinoa.  
  
Waiter: Excuss me ma'am, but I believe that that's your dog.  
  
Rinoa turns to see her dog Angelo gnawing a moogle to shreds.  
  
Rinoa: Yeah, that'll happen sometimes.  
  
She turns and drinks from a cup as the moogle's round pom pom flies on to the table. The sounds of screams and the word "Kupo" are being repeated in the background. 


	2. Who's Bad?

Final Fantasy: Too Much Free Time by DoomaWriter  
  
Author notes: In Chapter 1 I mentioned that I'd use FF7-10 and KH but only used FF7-FF9. I am sorry for this but I will use them in future chapters. As I finish more and more of the past FFs I hope to add more games to the list, but for now, its FF7-KHearts. I would also like to remind you that this fic is rated R. I might not of shown that in the previous chapter, but its becoming more and more apparent and will continue to do so.  
  
Chapter 2: Who's Bad?  
  
A waiter is seen walking around, serving people drinks. On a circular plate, he is holding three bottles of champagne. Out of nowhere a gunshot goes off, shattering one of the glass bottles and drenching the waiter.  
  
Barret (with smoke coming from his gunarm): Whoops. My bad.  
  
Another bottle is shattered at the sound of a gunshot.  
  
Irvine: Sorry, my fault!  
  
The last bottle is then destroyed in the same matter.  
  
Eiko (holding a revolver): Told ya I could do it!  
  
Zell: Lucky shot (hands her some gil).  
  
Eiko: Hey! You owe me double because the waiter didn't die!  
  
The waiter stands there shakeing in place before dropping the plater and running through the kitchen door.  
  
Sometime after, a certain famous blitzball player walks in through the door.  
  
Squall: Crap, its Tidus. Quick, just ignore him and he'll go away.  
  
Tidus walks over to the table where Squall and company were sitting, now hunched over stareing at each other.  
  
Tidus: Yo guys, what's happen-  
  
Cloud (interrupting Tidus): So Rinoa, what do you think about those potions? I mean, what do they put in them?  
  
Upon seeing this, Tidus decides to talk to someone whose free and turns to Zidane.  
  
Tidus: Big Z! There's my favorite chibi! How's the weather down-  
  
Zidane (tries to do the same as Cloud): So Garnet, how about them blitzball players? I mean, they sure do suck ass, don't they?  
  
Tidus sighs then slouches off with a tear in his eye.  
  
Cloud: Alright, the way I sees it, to settle whose the best villain here, let's split up the enemies into two categories: Cool and Crap. First off, Sephiroth.  
  
Rinoa: Cool.  
  
Zidane: Cool  
  
Garnet: (sighs affectionately) Definitely cool.  
  
Zidane: Aww crap.  
  
Squall: Alright, alright. Next person.  
  
Cloud: Next up, Seifer. Shall we save time and just say Crap now?  
  
Seifer (gets up again): You know I'm getting sick of your damn insults!  
  
Cloud: Shut up, bitch.  
  
Seifer:...........(sits down)...yessir.  
  
Raijin: That's it.  
  
Raijin and Fujin gets up and leaves Seifer alone at the table. Seifer looks down for a while then collapses on the table and starts crying.  
  
Cloud: Kuja?  
  
Everyone at the table begins chuckling again.  
  
Zidane: Yeah yeah, just move on, dammit.  
  
Cloud: Seymour?  
  
Voice: Cool!  
  
Everyone turns around to stare at where the voice came from and see Seymour sitting by himself with his hand over his mouth.  
  
Seymour: ........(slowly puts hand down).............what?  
  
Squall: Well that's everyone.  
  
Sora then runs up to the table and starts to protest.  
  
Sora: Wait! You forgot about Riku! He was really bad!  
  
Cloud (to the bar): Excuse me, did someone here lose a kid? Small, brown hair, extremely stupid?  
  
Sora: I mean it! When he was taken over by the darkness, he controlled the Heartless and unleashed them all over the worlds!  
  
Zidane: Riiiiiiight. And what exactly is a "heartless"?  
  
Sora: Evil beings, bent on stealing people's hearts!  
  
Cloud: Why haven't I heard of anything like this?  
  
Sora: Because the problem is being taken cared of by me and my team!  
  
Cloud: Who are....?  
  
Sora: Well, mainly Goofy and Donald-  
  
Scene switches to outside the bar where Sora is thrown out and lands in a pile of garbage. A waiter comes out and dumps more trash upons Sora.  
  
Sora: Hey! I'm down here!  
  
Waiter: I know.  
  
Back inside the bar, Tidus is seen sulking next to the jukebox which is now in hour 3 of the Chocobo Anthem.  
  
Tidus: God, this song never seems to finish. Heh, I know a bit of music which is much more sootheing.  
  
Tidus puts 5 gil into the jukebox and then selects the song of his choice. Moments later, FFX's hardcore "Otherworld" starts playing.  
  
Screaming voice: GO...NOW...IF YOU WANT IT! AN OTHERWORLD AWAITS YOU! DON'T...YOU...GIVE UP ON IT! YOU BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU.....  
  
Everyone starts yelling at Tidus in complaints.  
  
Barret: We were listening to somethin' #$(&#)*@# peaceful!! Turn that #$$&(#)*#$* off!!  
  
Tidus (scrambles to pull out a next 5 gil): Sorry! Stop yelling at me!  
  
Everyone starts to calm down as opera music starts to play in the background.  
  
Barret: That's (*#$#%^ better.  
  
Tidus: But...I didn't do anything yet....  
  
The music starts getting louder and louder.  
  
Squall: What's going on?  
  
Cloud: Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap....  
  
The bar then goes pitch black and the sound of the door opening and closeing is heard throughout the room.  
  
A bright beam of light is shot through the ceiling to the floor. When the lights come back on, a tall man with platinum hair wearing all black and a silver shoulder pad is seen in the middle of the room while Zidane is now sitting with his arm around Tifa.  
  
Squall: Hey, Cloud, isn't that-(turns his head to see Cloud's chair empty and spinning on one of its legs)  
  
At that moment a woman walks into the door.  
  
Aeris: Sorry I'm late, but I'm here and (sees Sephiroth).........oh shit.  
  
To be continued...... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 1: Behind the Scenes  
  
Author (sitting behind a desk): Alright, alright, I'm glad to tell you that Final Fantasy: Too Much Free Time, is off to a start.  
  
Selphie (walks in): Who keeps switching my coffee with decaf?  
  
Author: Everyone......Anywho, any questions?  
  
Sora: I got a damn question. Why the hell aren't I in the first one?  
  
Author: Sorry, just didn't have any room to put you in.  
  
Sora: Well you better damn well make some goddamn room in the second one or else I'ma get Goofy and Donald and we are so gonna beat the living shit outta yo' ass!  
  
Author: Pssh, you think I'm scared of you?  
  
Barret: Hmm, yes, I too am quite perplexed as to the absince of my character to your little fan fiction.  
  
Author: For the last time, you'll all get a chance to be in it!!! Anyone have any real questions?  
  
Zidane: Yeah, when will our female equals be arriving? For you see, I, being quite respectful to the female group, do wish that they have a chance to get a fair role and salary.  
  
Author: Goddamn it, what did I just say!? Just sit down and study you're lines!!  
  
Zidane (looks at script): "How you doin'?"  
  
Tidus (storms in and slaps all of the Author's papers off of his desk): Listen up, numnuts, I saw this script and I don't fucking like it!  
  
Author (shakeing): H-hey man, n-no need to get excited.  
  
Tidus: You see this part where I'm suppose to get slapped around by a moogle for ten minutes straight, you'r gonna take that shit out!  
  
Author: I-its gone, man!  
  
Tidus: That sounds alot better, bitch (walks out but stops as he sees Tifa). Hey, nice rack momma', I'll be seeing you're ass in my dressing room later (winks at her and slaps her butt as he walks out).  
  
Author (turns to Yuna): Anything you can do about that?  
  
Yunie (smokes cigar): Shag off.  
  
Author:.......yes ma'am.  
  
Seifer (points and laughs at the Author): Chicken-wuss! 


End file.
